Guilty Gear: Guilty Pleasure
by Sepetyra Navi
Summary: This is my first thing ever. When "the man" just decides to become a voyeur, what craziness will ensue! I need you to read it! Then review it!
1. Chapter 1

Now, this is my first fan fic ever and I only own one Guilty Gear game...guess which one? The only one without a storyline. Now...(ahem!) The man is oppressing the power of the people! We can't let that happen, huh?! FALSE. It _will_ happen. And you _will _like it. And it's about some characters put into threesomes and locked into different dimensional riffs until they can find the exit. Then they gotta fight! That's right! Let's begin...Ippon!

It is my duty as "the man" to be as enigmatic as possible. It is also a hobby of mine to be foreboding darkness and causing a general sense of confusion. I take pride in my work, do you understand? So just to be _that guy_, I've magically grabbed three people clumps, seemingly at random, and thrown them into dimensional riffs! What kind of craziness will ensue? Will absolutely fantastic pairings form? Or will Mr. Badguy and Mr. Kiske kill each other?! How annoying will Chipp be? Can Johnny get at I-No with May hanging over his shoulder? Why is Jam with Dr. Baldhead and Zappa? I don't know, I told you it's seemingly random! Let us see for ourselves:

Sol/Ky/Slayer

Ky opened his eyes and saw an expansive gray sky tainted by skeletal trees. He sat up, confused, and looked around. He saw Sol standing with his back to him farther down the path he was lying on. He stood up and scratched his head.

"Sol...? What happened?" Ky asked.

Sol turned around with a strange frown. "So you're up, huh? Took long enough..." he said.

Ky sighed. _'Okay...don't start an argument...'_ He looked around some more until he saw someone walking down the path toward them in the distance. "Who is that?"

"I'm not sure myself. I've just been standing here for a good five minutes doing nothing." Sol replied.

"In this dark forest,

I find two people I know

standing down this path." said the figure from a distance.

"Do you come up with those as you go?!" Sol asked in a yell.

Just then, the figure disappeared and reappeared in front of Sol and Ky, making them both jump.

"As a matter of fact, I do." said Slayer, who was the figure.

"Do you have any idea what's going on? Because I just--" Ky began, but Slayer put his finger over Ky's mouth.

"Only foolish fools

asks questions to smarter fools

that do not know either..." Slayer said.

"Some help you are..." Sol muttered.

"A dropkick to the face!" Slayer shouted, doing as he just said to Sol's face.

Sol got up and wiped his mouth in a frenzy of quick movements. "What the hell was that?!!"

"Don't dis on your elders, broseph...For now, I say we just walk down this path until we come across something interesting..." Slayer said.

Ky shrugged and followed the vampire down the path.

Sol gritted his teeth and reluctantly chased after them.

Zappa/Faust/Jam

In a flash, Jam exploded in a mass of flames. (These flames are metaphorical and did not actually cause harm to her.)

"Where is my baby?!" she cried in a loud and commanding voice.

The air around was frigid, and the sky dismal. It was snowing lightly, but Jam's long, bare legs felt nothing due to her rage. Though she wasn't complaining about anything in particular, her cries triggered something under her.

"SHIIIIIII!!!" screamed someone.

Jam freaked and jumped from her location.

Zappa rose from the snow with a dull and empty look on his face.

Jam frowned. "Oh...it's you...Zzzzaaa...that one guy." she muttered.

Zappa shook his head wildly and looked over at her. "Huh? What? Where am I?" he

asked.

"A question to be answered with an answer!!" shouted Faust.

Zappa and Jam looked up and saw through the snow the extremely tall bag-headed man falling from the sky gently by an umbrella.

Faust landed gracefully and got in Zappa's face. "Truth be told, I have no clue what's going on." he said.

"Do you ever?" Jam whispered to herself. For some reason, she was in a super terrible mood.

"Attempts at humor get you nowhere in my world, Jelly!" Faust shouted, pointing at her.

"Jam! My name is JAM!"

"Now, now. There's no need to freak out, eh?" Zappa asked the two, stepping between them, "I mean, we don't even know where we are, maybe we should---"

There was a large pause.

"Yes...?" Faus--

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!" Zappa shrieked. He fell over and slowly rose back to his feet in that now very familiar and still creepy position. "Murmur...strange..." he began to chant.

Faust nodded. "This is a rare case indeed. I have come across it many times during the war."

"The war?" Jam asked, intrigued.

Faust nodded. "The war...on diseases!!" he cried. Then he hit Zappa in the back of the head with a tuna sandwich. Where he got it...well, he _is_ Faust.

Dizzy/Testament/Bridget

"Are you alright?" Testament asked once Dizzy opened her eyes.

The last thing she could remember was that she was on the Mayship, and then a huge laser came down from the heavens and made mass chaos. She sat up and nodded slowly.

Testament smiled. "Good."

"Aw...you two are cute!"exclaimed a high voice from behind the two.

Testament looked back and saw what looked like a young girl in a...no, this is too weird.

Bridget, if you're trying to prove your manliness, why wear that WHORISH nun's outfit?!

Realizing who it was, Testament ignored him and stood up.

"Oh, come on, at least acknowledge my presence!" Bridget said, clenching his fists.

Testament shook his head. "I will do no such thing." he replied.

Dizzy stood up and looked around. They were in a swampy area...that's about all she could gather. She then turned to Bridget.

"Do you have any idea where we are?" she asked.

Bridget put his hands behind his back and grinned. "Yup. We're really close to a place where I liked to hang out when I was younger." Just then, the kid found the end of a scythe creeping up on his throat.

"Dizzy asked you a question..." Testament whispered.

Bridget rose his hands in surrender. "Ah! And I was in the process of answering her question!"

"Testament, please!" Dizzy said.

The guy who I say cross-dresses lowered his weapon. "You're right...I don't know what's going on with me lately..."

"If you don't mind, Mr. Testament, I think I know what your problem is." Bridget said.

"What?"

"Your horny for Miss Dizzy!" Bridget cried. Then he ran away.


	2. Chapter 2

(giggle) Did you honestly think I hate you

(giggle) Did you honestly think I hate you? I once said something along the lines of, "I will hardly ever update, but I will review avidly." This is true, and now that GG:GP is like, 50 days dead, I will add just a bit...cuz I'm not a total (INSERT "BITCH" HERE).

Johnny/May/I-No

Johnny opened his eyes in a flash and kipped to his feet. "Whaddahellsup? Whodahellsknockmedown?!" he cried in a slur of words.

"Whoa, Ms. I-No, you were right! He _is_ drunk..." said May, who was sitting to the left of Johnny.

"I know," replied I-No. She stepped out from behind a ruined building and grinned. "Out drinking were you?"

_'Che...She's hot stuff...'_ Johnny thought. Then he nodded. "Yes, drinking is something I do every now and again. You want to join me sometime, babe?"

Johnny then felt a fierce blow to the general area he loves most. He fell over in pain as it was an anchor that pegged him.

"Johnny, you can't go around hitting on other girls! You got me, remember?" May asked with a twitch in her eye.

Johnny looked up at her and blinked. "Actually, I didn't notice...Uh, never mind! So..." he said, rising back to his feet, "Where are we?"

I-No jumped up to the top of the ruined building and looked around. "It's looks sort of like Phantom City..."

"This isn't a good place to be..." May whimpered, clinging to Johnny's arm.

"How do you suppose we got here?" Johnny asked, staring fiercely up I-No's dress. He had to absorb all of he glory now or he'd get slammed in the nuts again and lose it all.

"I think I know, but I'm not saying." I-No replied, jumping down from the building and blushing. She turned away from Johnny and cleared her throat. She knew what he was doing.

"Why not?" May asked.

"Why should I have to tell you two? I'm not some nice gal who goes around telling everyone her secrets!"

"So it's a secret..." Johnny said, putting his hand up to his chin, "Secrets aren't safe from me..."

I-No frowned. "Oh, no? We'll see then, won't we?" she asked. Then she turned from them and began walking down the path.

_'Tight ass...so hot...' thought Johnny as he instinctively began to follow her, which made May instinctively follow him._

Anji/Baiken/Chipp

"So we're in Japan!" Chipp shouted, slamming his fist down on his palm.

"_Bakada . _For a self-proclaimed Japanese person, you sure can't read it." Baiken scolded, "These signs are Chinese. Chinese!! We're in China!"

"Wo xihuan Chongguo!" Anji proclaimed. Then he turned to Baiken and Chipp, "That means, 'I like China.'"

"Whoa, bro. I didn't know you knew Chinese." Chipp said with wide eyes. "Teach me, sensei!!" He fell to his knees before a flattered Anji.

"Oh-ho...Well, I don't know if I could..." Anji stammered, fanning himself rapidly.

Baiken clicked her tongue and began to walk away.

"Oh, wait up!" Anji called, rushing after her.

Chipp made a ninja handsign and appeared next to the two.

"Was that necessary? At all?" Baiken asked in her usual disgruntled tone.

"Of course not. We ninjas take pride in being able to waste chakra as much as possible before pulling a deus ex machina and beating the tougher opponent. We also are good for millions of yaoi pairings across the boards, and have many totally useless female characters."

"I think you're talking about something totally different..." Anji whispered, but Chipp ignored him.

"Also, we are quite skilled in the ways of remaining hidden in bright colors, such as orange, and like to make as much noise as possible when fighting. And we have this obsession with kunai, although there has never been an occasion when they've done anything..." Just then, Chipp found the tip of a katana at his throat.

"I dunno what kind of drugs you're on..." Baiken warned, "But if you can't start talking about something with a purpose as to what we're doing, I'll have to kill you off."

Chipp grinned nervously. "Sure, sis. Just lower the sharp thing."

Baiken did, reluctantly.

Anji chuckled quietly to himself. "I'm glad to see we can get along for slightly longer periods of time!"

Eddie/Millia/Venom

Wait a minute...The heck is going on? My cameras are totally broken...Get a man on that, stat! What are those three doing down there? Did you fix it yet? Damn it, Johnson, I don't pay you to sit around and play Maple Story! Fix my cameras or feel my enigmatic wrath! ...Okay, there. ...Thank you, I guess. Now, what did I miss? Quickly, now, Johnson! Feed the live video footage into the past-tenseifier!

"Need another taste, Millia?" Eddie asked in that usually strange voice.

Millia slowly got to her feet and spat blood on the ground. She wobbled back and forth for a short moment, then regained her firm stance.

"That was like, totally fabulous!" Venom exclaimed, jumping out of nowhere and throwing an arm around Eddie's shoulder.

"Get off me homo!!" Eddie shouted, throwing the man through the air.

Venom landed on his feet next to Millia. He gave Eddie a flamboyant point with his finger. "Homophobia, much?" he aksed.

"He's not really gay, is he?" Millia asked, cocking her head to the side.

"He sure is!"

"Come on, Zato, are you serious?"

"I know he is! Didn't you hear him just say, 'fabulous'?"

"Shut up, you two!" Venom cried, taking out his cue stick, "Or I will-"

"What, shove that up my anus? Like with all your gay buddies?" Eddie asked, taking a fighting stance.

"I personally have nothing wrong with gay people," Millia said.

"You're a chick, of course you don't..."

"This isn't fair!" Venom cried, "Did I ever admit to being gay? Don't make assumptions, fool! I have a lot of male fans!"

"Too many if you ask me..."

"I will, like, kill you if you say that crap one more time!"

"Too many if you ask me..."

"That's it!!"

"No, stop!" Millia interjected with an annoying shriek, "Zato, relax... Venom, if you're really gay, you can tell me."

"No, you did _not_ just go there, girlfriend."


End file.
